Some would say that my choices for Lorin's Next Boyfriend are a collection of life's oddities and weirdos, but I say nay! I say I'm picking from the last few original thinkers. Great men of promise, men who persevere, no matter the obstacle. Men like Darren Gallagher who never give up the fight, who know that it's not how fast you blow the light, but that you blow it, on your own terms, like a man! He's brave, he's bold, he wasn't even intoxicated. He's Lorin's Next Boyfriend.

Lorin's Next Boyfriend needs to be blindly loyal. The kind of guy who would love her, no matter what she has done. The kind of boy who would understand if she was feeling a little moody and went into a homicidal, jealous rage. This unnamed man has all the qualities we are looking for in Lorin's Next Boyfriend and it seems he is available for the next 14 years, 10 for good behavior.

As promised, it's time to find Lorin's Next Boyfriend. This week we feature a volunteer! Someone who read on my blog that we were looking for Lo's New Beau and he stepped right up and claimed to be a "good man...like Spiderman, with friends." Not sure what that means, but he shows initiative and we're looking for that Gung Ho spirit for our guy. He's into vampires, gratuitous sex and the Count of Monte Cristo. He refers to one of his friends as "Hookerbastard," it's amazing we didn't find him sooner...meet Drexil Lorin's Next Boyfriend.

Ho-Hum...Stacey has slacked off again and I have been dateless for over one month. What is a girl to do?
I will TELL you what a girl is to do...she goes out and finds her own man. I don't know why I dig this guy...maybe becuase he has a marmoset, a page called "booty", and a friend dressed as Luke Skywalker posted on his page. Perhaps it is because he is just too bootylicious for me baby...please meet Paul, the man of my dreams.

Ohmigod. He's a bit young, but he's sooooo cute and so mean, and so smart and talented. He makes a latte like a barista should. If Lorin won't have him, I will move to Lincoln and be his sugarmama. I just luv Vin Wexler!

It's been a while...
Sometimes it's hard to find a man who could please Lorin, who is worthy of Lorin, who is strong enough for Lorin...
Lorin needs a mythical man, a man of tales and legends, a man who can wear sandals in all kinds of weather. Zeus was that kind of man, Hercules, Caesar, Jesus, all could have been Lorin's next boyfriend, but they're dead. So, we'll have to settle for Ekaj.

Have I mentioned that Lorin is adventurous? Whitewater rafting, hiking, camping, Lorin is all over the outdoor challenge. Well, I've found two references on the web to a guy who could really keep up with Lorin, maybe even give her a run for her money. He's athletic, ambitious, and buoyant. He's a world traveler and quite the catch in his wet suit. And best of all, he's looking for a woman in his life. Lorin's Next Boyfriend may just be The Sexy Slovenian Swimmer.

Oh boy, I think this guy is going to make the LNB hall of fame...he's foreign, he's cute, his English is marginal, but he's got great teeth, he makes Vanilla Ice look authentic and tough. Eminem would probably make him his wife. He's Ill Mitch and he's Lorin's Next Boyfriend.

In these uncertain times Lorin is looking for a man's man who can take charge and get the job done. Lorin's a strong woman who needs a strong man, a chief, not an Indian. She's looking for a man who can protect her, provide for her, bring home the bacon and fry it up with his laser heat vision. Kneel before Lorin's Next Boyfriend!

How can Lorin say, "no" to a man with 50 pounds of Silly Putty? Thanks to the Wall Street Journal, of all places, for finding Lorin's next boyfriend, a man with a plan, a man with strong hands, a man who buys bouncing silcone in 150 pound bulk orders by organizing office "putty pools." If you don't want him, I'll take him, Jeff Kivert!